Some new lyrics

These are some lyrics I found in an old notebook of mine. They are incomplete, but I will try to finish them in the near future and post the complete song, perhaps with audio!, if I figure out a good direction to take this song musically. But, here's what I have so far.


To those who truly understand
that we as people are the same,
And no matter what god dealt our hands,
we all are players in this game,
Well I just want
to let you know
That you don't have
to bleed for those
Who light up fires for a war
against all those whom they deplore.

Whoa-oh!
Diversity is not criminality.
Whoa-oh!
Unity is what we really need,
So take your hate and throw it away!

Who do you claim to be?
Where do you claim to stand?
Is it consistent with the damage you have wrought?


Currently, the song is title-less. I can't remember exactly when I started writing it, and I'm not entirely sure what the side notes in my notebook were getting at, haha. But, it sounds like I was making a statement about those who prefer opposition and confrontation rather than solidarity, so I'll play with these lyrics and try to come up with something good for you readers sometime soon.

'Why Am I Doing This?' or #100factsaboutme

All of my Twitter friends are doing this #100factsaboutme hashtag, so I figured I might as well try it, too. Not often you get to post this amount of honesty, I guess.

Whatever. Here goes nothing:

1. My favorite music is punk rock, but I always hesitate to tell people that.

2. My four favorite bands are Rise Against, Thrice, Bad Religion and Streetlight Manifesto. They all tie for first.

3. I just decided to write a blog out of fact #1.

4. I sing and play guitar for a punk rock band named Golf Course Kamikaze.

5. My best friend Henry Steele is GCK's drummer, and he leaves for basic training today.

6. But, in his last few weeks here, we played a kickass basement show, gathered all our friends for a movie night, and fought together in an awesome airsoft war.

7. I have to keep reminding myself that I'll see him again in June, or sometime around then.

8. I have a hard time opening up to other people. I like to tell myself it's because I have an independent nature, but I know it's mostly because I suck at socializing.

9. Ironically, I feel like I have a good stage presence.

10. I can't believe I'm seriously doing a #100factsaboutme.

11. By definition, I am an atheist, but I consider myself more of a Humanist.

12. My family raised me as a Christian, taking my family to several churches since we've lived out here in Missouri.

13. (For clarity, I was born in Virginia in 1991, and my family moved to Missouri in 1992.)

14. To this day, I still feel at home in the Arcadia Valley United Methodist Church, for the most part.

15. I don't know exactly when I stopped believing in God, but I know for certain I was an atheist by the middle of my sophomore year.

16. Funnily enough, I can vividly remember the first time I ever heard the word atheist.

17. 'Funnily enough' is one of my favorite expressions.

18. I'm flipping through Emily Gallaher's 100 Facts blog while typing my own.

19. Unrelated, I very much adore the ocean, and whales are my second-favorite animals.

20. The mink is my first favorite animal, a fact due entirely to a dream I had where several baby mink invaded my Honors English 3 classroom (and yes, the plural of mink is mink, not minks. I checked).

21. Ask me about my subtle knife dream.

22. Don't ask me about my subtle knife dream.

23. My favorite book is Catch-22. I read it my sophomore year after my mom had bought it for me on a whim. My first thought after reading the description on the back was, Wow Mom, thanks for getting me some cheap book I'll probably hate.

24. I want to be a writer.

25. However, the thought of writing an entire novel seems impossible to me right now. I'd rather stick with short stories and poetry. For now.

26. Speaking of poetry, I fell in love with it my junior year of high school. I was really into Walt Whitman and Langston Hughes.

27. I like incorporating poetry into my songwriting. It's a technique I picked up from Thrice's songs.

28. It just hit me that both poets in #26 were gay. O.O

29. Moving on, I'm not very film savvy at all. There are just so many movies I haven't seen.

30. These movies include Lord of the Rings (all three), The Hangover, Rocky, and many others. Seriously, name some movie that you think EVERYONE has seen, and I probably haven't seen it.

31. If I have a favorite movie, it's probably The Mask. And Jim Carrey is probably my favorite actor, too. And after re-watching the movie a week ago, I found out that it was Cameron Diaz's film debut.

32. I plan on using the previous sentence as my one bit of movie trivia.

33. I feel like I have a confusing set of siblings. If you didn't know, let me clear it up: I have two younger brothers, Matt and Joey, who are fraternal twins, and an older brother Philip.

35. I am roughly seven years younger than Philip and about a year and three months older than Matt and Joey.

36. I feel so lucky to have such loving parents. I rarely ever fight with them, and never do I feel like they don't give a shit about me or my brothers.

37. That's why it makes me sad for my friends who have difficult home lives. I feel guilty because it's like all I had to do get a stable, supportive family was get born.

38. I have a lot of issues like that, where I feel like I don't deserve half the fortunes I have, or that I'm too pathetic to deserve any more fortunes sometimes.

39. This number reminds me of the summer I went to New York for a week with my school's art club and we saw a Broadway production of The 39 Steps. That play was hilarious, and I'm super excited that Chuck is planning on directing it this Fall.

40. Also while in New York that year, I made friends with several kids from a school in Oregon. I miss them so much, and I want to visit them so bad someday.

41. My mom was born and raised in New York, and her immediate family still lives there. I get to visit my grandparents there every couple of years.

42. My mom's parents are the only grandparents I have. My dad's parents were both dead before my memory.

43. Actually, I visited my grandparents in New York during the summer of 2001, and even saw the Twin Towers before they were made historic.

44. I want to finish these facts before I go to sleep, but I really don't want to stay up this late...

45. I fell asleep after typing that last fact. It was about 1:15.

46. I like Twitter more than Facebook.

47. Whenever I curse on Twitter, I always wonder how my followers react, or at least my super Christian followers. It feels like I'm breaking some sort of taboo.

48. And now that both my parents are on Facebook (as well as some of my friends' parents), I never curse.

49. And yeah, I like calling them curse words instead of cuss words. Cuss just sounds too hillbilly to me.

50. I've never been drunk before, but I have had alcohol on several occasions.

51. Pajama jeans. Laugh all you want, I own a pair. Wore them in public once, and that's only because it was pajama day at MAC.

52. Dancing used to seem really stupid to me, but I'm starting to actually like it.

53. I'm just gonna go ahead and say it: I like Pokemon.

54. I used to be a fairly avid video gamer, but now I just don't have the time for video games. And that makes me sad.

55. It feels like I don't have time for anything but school anymore. Which makes me even more sad.

56. I first started playing bass guitar in eighth grade when my friend Brett Lester wanted to start a band. That band didn't pan out, haha.

57. A year later, I picked up my mom's acoustic guitar and I've been playing guitar ever since.

58. I was actually in a heavy metal band with Brett later in high school, after I actually got some skill with a guitar.

59. Honestly, I didn't really like metal back then, and I still don't today. It's not that I can't handle the screaming or heaviness, I just prefer punk rock.

60. I want to go into more detail about that, but I'll save it for the blog I promised in fact #3.

61. As of right now, the only person following me with their Blogger account is Deacon Seals, which I do appreciate. To the rest of you: thanks, jerks.

62. Sometimes I get jealous of my friends, simply because they live in a more social environment.

63. More specifically, I sometimes get jealous of my friends living in Park Hills, since they live so close to each other.

64. On a brighter note, I might be getting an apartment in Park Hills or Farmington or Bonne Terre, which will narrow that gap between me and all my friends in that area.

65. I can't believe I've actually gotten this far on the list without saying, "This is stupid, I quit."

66. Anything aimed specifically at teenagers--especially teens in love--annoys the sweet living crap out of me.

67. Until going to the Elmhurst Jazz Festival last month, I didn't fully appreciate jazz music. I think it was Matt Wilson's Arts & Crafts that changed my perception of jazz.

68. Now, I really do love jazz music, and I enjoy playing my saxophone, trying to find a oneness with it.

69 <-- I want to try that someday.

70. I feel slightly uncomfortable revealing that last fact.

71. I want to overcome my hesitation and indecisiveness.

72. The most fun I ever had acting in a play was my junior year when my school did The Good Doctor. Darn them horseflies.

73. I used to really suck at singing, but I feel like I've definitely gotten better over the years. The first time I knew I had some merit as a singer was when Mrs. Beard cast me as Seymour for Little Shop of Horrors.

74. As much as I loved being the lead in Little Shop, I still think I had more fun in the The Good Doctor.

75. One of my favorite characters I've ever portrayed in a play was Walter Mitty in A Thurber Carnival.

76. I don't really like popular music, and that makes me feel like a hipster, indie-kid bastard at times.

77. If I ever have the time, I would love to become a painter.

78. But, I already feel like I'm stretched too thin with writing, music, and theater.

79. I don't watch as much TV as I used to. I spend more of my time on the Internet now.

80. If I had to pick a favorite TV show, it's either Family Guy or The Office.

81. I even used to keep up with American Idol, but stopped watching it after about season 4 or 5.

82. I act out conversations in my head all the time. I try to imagine how I should say something, and how other people would respond.

83. I catch myself talking out loud while doing that, too.

84. I like having time where I can just walk around and think. I would drive around and think, but gas is expensive.

85. Many people have told me I should straighten my hair, and a few even said they would do it for me. Not one has ever followed through.

86. I wish Joe Strummer was still alive. It kills me that he died in my lifetime, and before I even appreciated him as a musician.

87. If I ever have a son, I want to name him Zane.

88. If I ever have a daughter, I'd like to name her Autumn.

89. I don't know if I can see myself getting married. That's a far-off thing to me.

90. I hate plans. I prefer spontaneity. That being said, I realize that you can't get shit done without planning.

91. I don't think I have any phobias. If I do, I haven't discovered it yet.

92. I wish I could learn to fly a plane someday.

93. Twilight is my favorite time of day, and one of my favorite words. Thanks for ruining it, Stephenie Meyer.

94. Kingdom Hearts is my favorite video game series. And I like Roxas more than Sora.

95. When I was in first grade, I went as Ash Ketchum for Halloween. So far, that has been my favorite Halloween costume, ever.

96. Pirates > Ninjas. Bring it.

97. And dragons > vampires and werewolves combined. Edward and Jacob have nothing on Saphira.

98. Luna Lovegood is my favorite Harry Potter character. I especially love the actress they chose for her in the movies.

99. I have so many emotions attached the song Swing Life Away.

100. Wait, I'm already done?

Links

We chase
different ends,
trying
to catch different

winds,

but have we made our destinations the same?

Are we all bound
like links
on a
rusted chain,
or just cars
on a speeding
train?
How long

until we collide with ourselves?

Point of View

Song I wrote a while ago and recently rediscovered. Sorry, no video preview this time.

"Point of View"

When your friends abandoned you,

I was there

I loved you when you felt

nobody cared

But still I feel as though I cried

those tears for you in vain...

The only trait I hold with pride,

you curse and scorn its name...

Did I not feel your distaste for me?

(I am a human, just like you!)

Do I not share the air you breathe?

(We're just the same, through and through!)

We're not so different,

you and me.

I fought with you against our toughest

enemies

I shared with you the sweetest of our

victories

But the highest of your moral goals,

I cannot be part of...

What you claim to hate the most

is everything I love...

Did I not feel your disdain for me?

(I am a human, just like you!)

Do I not share the pain you feel?

(It's just a different point of view!)

And when my heart

broke in two,

Did it not bleed

enough for you

To see that I feel

the things you do:

Love and hate;

Right and wrong;

I still have morals, just like you.

They don't come

from your God,

That doesn't make them any less true

to me.

Did I not feel your distaste for me?

Do I not share the air you breathe?
Have I not felt your disdain for me?

Do I not share the pain you feel?

We all suffer in this life;

This is how I explain my strife.

So what diverges me and you?

It's just a different point of view.

Does love come with morals?

Love is often a message we must learn to decode ourselves.


I'm making an attempt at Valentine's Day this year, so I won't have to spend it alone. There is a girl I like, a girl I might have a chance with (nobody reading this has ever met her, and you wouldn't recognize the name if I used it). I have been texting her lately, and she seems at least a little interested in me. There is a slight problem, though. She is still in high school (attending Aradia Valley--told you all you wouldn't know her), so the only way I can really get to see her is if I attend her church. Which I have done several times (and plan on doing tomorrow). I am even a member of her church's youth drama team. She does not know I am an atheist.

Last December she asked me if I could help her church's drama team do a Christmas performance. I hesitated, not wanting to get involved in church, but I agreed to help. Neglecting to mention I do not believe in God. This was an opportunity to get closer to her--why would I go and ruin it? Besides, how could I have told her?

I know it's not exactly honorable to infiltrate a church so I can woo one its members. I know that my (dis)beliefs could sabotage a relationship with this girl. I know it makes me a scoundrel. But this is a shot at love! If I continue pondering the morality of the situation, the opportunity to act on it will slip by. I know it's wrong, but I'm sick of backing down on the life I should be living.

Beauty is...

I started this morning with an unfinished paper for my Comp II class. The assignment was to write a 1-2 page essay with each body paragraph beginning with the words "Beauty is..." I came to school today prepared to skip American History this morning so I could have it finished by 2:00 (which is when my Comp II class starts). Well, instead of skipping American History, I attended class and finished the paper during the hour I usually spend getting lunch. 'Cause I'm just a regular Superman like that. Anyway, I felt like sharing the stupid thing since it was so hard to write, so here it is. Notice that I (un)intentionally and (un)creatively left it untitled.

What makes a person beautiful? Is it physical characteristics—blonde hair, blue eyes, slim figure, and a well-formed face? Obviously these answers differ from person to person. Not all people find the same features attractive. And in any case, how fair is it to judge a person’s beauty solely on their looks? Doing so only demotes the concept to that age-old taunt, “Beauty is only skin-deep.” Rather, people exhibit beauty in ways that transcend outward appearances.

Beauty is more than physical appeal. It is not what magazines sell as beautiful. It cannot be found in the right products with the right brand names, purchased at the right stores. Beauty is not the girls buying into the latest trends, believing they can find their own beauty by imitating the cover girls of fashion magazines, slaving to become what pop culture deems beautiful. That is tragedy. Beauty is the girl who cancels all her subscriptions to fashion magazines when she realizes she does not need to resemble a super model to feel good about herself.

Beauty is in the ways people comfort each other. It is the glow of warmth felt by the cancer patient as her family holds her hand, reminding her they will never stop loving her, whether she makes it through the chemotherapy or not. It is the sense of togetherness felt at her funeral, inspired by the gathering of all the lives she ever left a mark on. It is the smile worn by the couple admiring their first child, and the smile worn again as they admire their first grandchild.

All people are capable of beauty. It may not manifest itself in the ways people anticipate, but not everyone gets to model for trendy magazines, and nor does anyone deserve to spend their youth in front of a camera. Such is the beauty that withers away with age, dimming slowly like a fire burning out. True beauty—the beauty of love between different lives—is what makes a person beautiful, and it never fades to black.

Lioness

Caged and lonely lioness

With beauty so mysterious

I wish to set you free—

And I'll settle not for less

The cage that schisms you and me,

Do I hold its golden key?

Or must you be in pain

As I look on, helplessly?

Lioness—roar—once again!

For I can break the distance chain

That keeps us both apart,

That binds you to your barren plain

So weep not o'er your broken heart

It will be mended once we start

To share our loneliness

And love together, heart to heart

I actually wrote this a while back. It was sitting in my drafts of Facebook notes (did any of you recognize the font?) for quite a while, thought I'd dust off the cobwebs and finally publish it.